Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 16, Episode 2
The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the second episode of the sixteenth series. Key JA- James Acaster HD- Hugh Dennis EG- Ed Gamble RJ- Rhys James NK- Nish Kumar ZL- Zoe Lyons Topics Things You Wouldn't Hear In A Nature Show HD- Well, that was a sticky moment. Last time I tickle a sperm whale. EG- It has been said that male cows don't defecate, but as you can see, that's bullshit. RJ- The best way to tell the difference between and Indian and African elephant is that one of them is an elephant. NK- Hello, I'm not an elephant. (RJ- Told ya.) HD- The baboon is one of the most sophisticated primates-- Would you look at the ass on that? JA- And the reason why geese fly in a V formation is to act as chevrons for airplanes. NK- Coming up, a couple of rhinos banging and some monkeys fingerblasting each other on Extremely Blue Planet! EG- And what a magnificent scene, the monkey is lifting the lion towards the sun and I'm being removed from the theater for talking! ZL- Dawn rises on the Serengti. Dawn has no idea how she got there. RJ- The gibbon is said to be the most frequent masturbator in the entire animal kindgom. We'll see about that... NK- 'Allo, mates, I'm Danny Dyer, and welcome to Britain's Longest Dogs! EG- The camel can walk across the sand because of it's toes, or scientists call them, "fanny outlines." JA- Here we have a tiger happily eating Frosties. Tonight's episode is dedicated to the memory of our cameraman, Charles Frosties. ZL- And here we have two majestic birds of prey, or nuns, as they're also called. JA- Here we have a woodchuck, also known as a groundhog, which begs the question "How much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?" RJ- As the three lions circle the female, we ask when will footballers learn that no means no? HD- The crab scuttles into view. I should have used the special shampoo again. EG- And today, we'll be talking about one of the largest land mammals to ever walk the earth: Your mum. Unlikely Chat-Up Lines HD- Nope, should have gone to Specsavers. EG- Hello, name's Ed. What's it short for? I don't know, it's always been like that. ZL- You had me at hello, which is why my friends think I'm a bit of a slag. JA- Your father must have been a thief, AND I'M GONNA CATCH HIM IF IT'S THE LAST THING I'LL EVER DO, YOUR FATHER'S GOING TO PRISON! HD- It's a loyalty card. Every ten shags, I buy you a present. RJ- Hey, are you a parking ticket? Because I just picked you up on the street and now I can't afford to pay you. JA- Love is blind, and so am I. Now let me feel your face so I can know you're not a manta. NK- I'd say my approach to sex is a lot like the government's approach to Brexit: I go in hard and then pull out when I realize I have no idea what I'm doing. RJ- Oh, so when you sit there licking your lips, that's "sexy", but when I do it, I'm "weird" and should "get off your lips". EG- You look like a million dollars: Less impressive than you would have done ten years ago. ZL- I like my men like I like... women. NK- Hey girl, you must be tired 'cause you look real tired. Game some rest, lady! RJ- I hope you're nothing like my ex-girlfriend. She was so demanding, always asking me to text her when I got in. That's how small my penis is. HD- So, do you come here often... to this STD clinic? EG- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together, which is why I was fired from my job as an English teacher. NK- Roses are red, violets are red, you are red, the sky is red, I'm bleeding in the eyes. RJ- You've got an arse that just won't quit, despite calling an election and losing a majority. HD- You don't look like you did through the binoculars! JA- If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me while I cry on your shoulder-- I'm so lonely, God, I'm so lonely. ZL- On a first date, I always like to go Dutch. I don't mean I split the bill, but I'll do really kinky stuff in clogs. JA- I like my women like I like my coffee: Always getting my name wrong. RJ- If you were on an Indian menu, you'd have three chilis next to you... because you make me shit myself. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See